The Stages Of Grief & What You Need To Know

Grief Counselling Brisbane

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The stages of grief

We all face grief in our lives.Grief is a natural response to loss. We can experience the loss through death, relationship break up, miscarriage, loss of a pet, job or way of life. We may also experience loss when our children move out of home, when we are separated from our friends and family or infertility.

Grief is expressed in many ways and it can affect every part of your life; your emotions, thoughts and behaviour, beliefs, physical health, your sense of self and identity, and your relationships with others. Grief can leave you feeling sad, angry, anxious, shocked, regretful, relieved, overwhelmed, isolated, irritable or numb.

Grief has no set pattern. Everyone experiences grief differently. Some people may grieve for weeks and months, while others may describe their grief lasting for years.  The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief is likely to be.

What is grief?

Grief is the emotional suffering when we lose something or someone we love. It may include many emotions including guilt, numbness, shock, anger, and sadness. The effects of grief can impact on both or emotional and physical health. Common symptoms of grief include difficulty in falling asleep, trouble in concentrating on everyday tasks, feelings of depression and disconnection.

what’s important to acknowledge is that it is natural and necessary to grieve what you have lost. At times grief can feel both overwhelming and never ending. Counselling for grief is one part of the journey in helping you work with your grief.

Whilst everyone experiences with grief is unique to them.The following are the five stages of grief that are common in everyone. 

The Five Stages Of Grief

·      Denial 

·      Anger

·      Bargaining

·      Depression

·      Acceptance

Denial

Denial is the first stage of grief. At this stage, you might be in shock or denial. Your mind will try to deny the situation. Contrary to common perception, denial is not bad. In fact, it may help us in survival. It is our mind’s way of telling us that there is only a little that you can handle. 

Anger 

Next comes anger. Anger is also a necessary aspect of grieving. If you deeply loved the person you lost, your anger may be more intense. You may feel angry at your loved ones and even at God. A grief counsellor can help you effectively work with and process your anger.

Bargaining

At some point, you might even feel helpless. It is common to think of “what if” and “if only” statements. Bargaining is your mind’s defence against the constant barrage of all the negative emotions you feel. 

Depression

Depression may feel like a quiet stage of grief. At this time, you may be tired of running from your emotions. The feelings of loss you experience for a loved one can be intense and you may find yourself feeling isolated, confused and alone. Therapy can help you work through this stage of your grief.

Acceptance

This is a stage where there come to a place of acceptance and your grief will begin to feel different. This is does not mean you won’t feel any sadness or grief, rather it means that you’ve learned how to process and live with the loss you have experiences. You know what life looks like without the physical presence of your loves one and you are creating what your life looks like now.

The stages of grief are also not linear, this means that you may experience a range of emotions at different times and not necessarily in sequential order. Each person’s journey with grief will look different.

How can you support yourself when you are grieving?

• Seek support and speak to a professional

• Talk to supportive friends and family about how you are feeling

• Join a support group where you can share openly about your grief

• Don’t forget to take care of your physical health, grief takes a toll on our energy and eating well, ensuring you get daily exercise and have a sleep routine can also help.

• Don’t try and do it all. Ask friends, family members or work colleagues to help you with some chores or commitments.

• Maintain social connection and do things you enjoy, even though there may be times you want to be alone.

How to help a person who is experiencing grief and loss

If someone you know if grieving it can feel difficult to know the best way to support someone or comfort them. What is most supportive is just to be there for the person. Allow the person grieving to share what they feel, and make rom for their grief. People who are grieving often feel that others don’t want to be burdened with their grief so they hold their feelings in, when what they need is just to be heard. A simple offer of love and support is what is most valuable.

• Enquire about how they are. Every day feels different for someone who is grieving. Checking in and making time to listen to them and what they are experiencing will be supportive

• Balance the conversation, often a person who is grieving will still want to hear about your life and the day to day.

• Ask them how you can best hep and support them. Whether it is a weekly phone call, offering to do their grocery shopping or organising a breakfast together, all these small gestures can really help someone through their grief.

• Support them to seek professional help for their grief. We all need support and grief counselling is a safe and supportive space for the person.

Grief Counselling

The pain of losing a loved one can be too overwhelming to bear. However, you must realize that there is nothing to be ashamed of. The intensity of your grief is just a proclamation of how important that person was in your life. The depth of our love is often seen in the depths of our grief. Therapy is an important part in working with your grief and finding a way forward. A counsellor can provide you assistance and hold your hand as you go through the different stages of grief. 

If you have thoughts about suicide, nightmares, withdrawing from social activities, feelings of helplessness, problems sleeping, you should seek support through a qualified professional.

Grief is an inevitable part of life and what it means to love. You may experience grief over weeks, months or years, there is no timeframe to grief. Working through your grief in therapy allows you to work with your grief and transform it.

If you have experienced a loss and are working would like to receive support to cope with your grief please reach out and book a session here.