Understanding Anxiety And How To Manage It

Counselling for Anxiety

Counselling and psychotherapy for anxiety in Brisbane.

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is the most common mental health condition in Australia. On average, one in four people will experience anxiety at some stage in their life. In a one year period that's over two million Australians who experience anxiety.

Anxiety is also a normal human response we all experience when we are in danger, feel scared or in an unknown situation. Anxiety is known as the ‘fight or flight’ response as it involves the physical and psychological reaction that prepares our body to run away or fight if needed.

Our autonomic nervous system prepares the body to cope with danger by releasing adrenaline, which increases our blood pressure and puts our body into a state of intense awareness. In this state, we have increased sensitivity and hyper-alertness. While your body is in this state of alertness, it is working hard to ensure that you are equipped to handle your current situation in the best way possible. As we experience our body in this way we may begin to feel ‘nervous’ or’ worried’. Many people can relate to these feelings when they have had to give a presentation, take a test or complete a difficult task under pressure.

There is a lot of research that discusses the evolutionary function of anxiety as well as what healthy anxiety looks like vs unhealthy anxiety. Anxiety is useful when it is functioning well and it is often acting in a way that is helpful rather than debilitating.

We can see anxiety as having the following five functions

1.    Anxiety gets us to detect and acknowledge uncertainty. Uncertainty is usually one of the biggest triggers of anxiety.

2.    Anxiety increases our threat vigilance and makes u pay attention to the possibility of threat, loss or harm.

3.    Anxiety alerts us to what we care about, anxiety is often a signal that something we care about is at stake and this is also where the uncertainty and feeling of threat can come in.

4.    Anxiety points us to the choices and opportunities we have to act. It creates a sense of urgency by getting us to question “Is there something I can do?” of “Is there something I can control?”

5.    Anxiety also moves us towards seeking safety and support. Its function is to get us to look for evidence that we have then needed resources to feel safe and protected.

Where anxiety becomes unhelpful or dysfunctional is when its normal functions mentioned above, begin to ramp up or get distorted.

Some signs you may need some additional support with anxiety include:

1.    You have an increased vigilance when it comes to feeling threatened. You find yourself expecting there to be a threat or risk to you in any given situation. You perceive that there is a much bigger risk that there actually is, and your view on what is dangerous feels distorted.

2.    You miss your safety and support cues. This means that you find it difficult to recognise the evidence that you are safe and that the risk of harm to you is very low. You may find it difficult to acknowledge and that there are people who care about you, you aren’t alone.

3.    You rely on making ‘avoidance choices’ rather than taking positive action. Instead of anxiety having a motivating effect and moving you towards action, you see that the choice of the control that’s being made is avoidance rather than really positive, proactive coping.

4.    You experience an over-reliance on rituals that take the place positive coping. An example might be, if I keep this object with me at all times, then I’ll be safe. These ideas are not always logical.

5.    You begin to really listen and believe your anxiety when it comes up. You begin to believe that you are not safe that there’s something terrible is going to happen. The feeling you are at risk is prominent.

HOW TO WORK WITH ANXIETY

Yes, I said work with anxiety.

Most peoples initial reaction to anxiety is to feel that something is wrong, that something bad will happen and even…there must be something wrong with me. So it makes sense that when we feel anxiety we want to move away from it.

If you ask yourself “What do I do when I feel my anxiety?” You might find that you try to move away from it through are avoidance, ignoring or trying to suppress anxiety or using control coping as mentioned above.

Instead of focusing on getting rid of anxiety, I'm going to ask you for a moment to think of anxiety as this is what we are working with.

One useful way to work with anxiety is by making our own meaning of anxiety. Making our own meaning of it is something we do have control of an can start doing right away. We also have control of what we tell ourselves about anxiety, and when we start to change the conversation we have, we begin creating a change straight away.

One way that I find helpful when it comes to making meaning of anxiety is to see anxiety as a feeling that comes up because there is something important to me here, something that I care about. Whether it is a situation, a person or a task, I can notice my anxiety is present because there is something here that is important to me or because this moment or situation matters.

There is often a tendency to think of anxiety as something we must get through, fix or control, the truth is, anxiety is an emotion and as will all emotions —they have a place. While we might not be feeling great about how we are currently managing and dealing with our anxiety at present, we can acknowledge anxiety’s importance and then work to understand our relationship with anxiety.

Still not convinced?

Imagine I could wave a magic wand and we could make a deal, you knew nothing about anxiety, not one thing and I could eliminate it and take it away… would you take that deal?

Before you say yes I need to add one caveat…

There is a cost….When your child/friend/mother/sister/brother comes to you and says that they are afraid or they anxious, you will have no idea what they are talking about or how they feel.

Would you still take the deal?

The answer I always receive is no. Because whilst anxiety does not feel pleasant, if we were to live in a world without it, the cost would be our insensitivity to important situations, a disconnect from danger, people and our feelings.

Again, anxiety has a place. It may not be very comfortable right now and you may need some support to manage it effectively, but anxiety is important and you can learn how to work with it.

So instead of getting over anxiety, trying to control it or move beyond it, what if we get with it? What would it be like if our job is to get with anxiety as it is, not as what it says it is and in that, we can ask ourselves: Will I allow myself to kind to myself even when I’m anxious? Is it possible to have a goal of a little more freedom and a little more space to be me…a feeling, emotional human being with anxiety?

This is how we can begin to change our relationship to our anxious self. We can develop more loving-kindness and compassion for the part of us who is anxious, rather than feeling as though if we were more like so and so or if we were more a certain type of person we wouldn’t be anxious. Instead of blaming ourselves by telling ourselves there’s something wrong with us or our brain, we can learn to develop a more supportive relationship with anxiety. The great thing is that when you change these things, you really start to change your experience of anxiety, and sometimes the anxiety goes away. Sometimes it doesn’t. But you have more freedom and flexibility in response to anxiety.

THINGS YOU CAN DO FOR YOURSELF TO HELP MANAGE ANXIETY

Anxiety counselling techniques

Stay in the present moment

Anxiety is usually thinking thoughts about the future that have not happened yet or may not happen. When we are not in the present moment we can let these thoughts continue to play over in our mind. Bringing ourselves back to the present moment and focusing on being aware of ourselves, our thoughts, our actions and feelings help to bring us back to the present moment and where we are right now. A daily practice of mindfulness or meditation may also be useful.

BREATHE

We all need to do it! Instead of having to breathe in a certain way (there are lots of ways including slowed breathing, nostril breathing, diaphragmatic breathing, pursed-lipped breathing etc), we can just start simply. We do that by paying attention to our breath, however, it comes, and just bringing awareness to our breath and appreciate the sensations of breath coming in and going out. Permitting ourselves to breathe normally and having the task of just observing the breath means we don’t have to worry about breathing “correctly” we can just settle in an relax into our breath, which in turn creates its own changes in the quality of our breathing.

MINDEST SHIFT

We touched on the importance of ‘working with anxiety’ above, and mindset is a key part of this. Having the mindset of being able to have a different relationship with anxiety is key. We can create more supportive beliefs like ‘I can have a different relationship anxiety and there’s a good chance my inner experience will change.’ or “My anxiety is a response to something meaningful, this isn't necessarily something that is threatening, my nervous system is trying to protect me’

Jeremy Jamieson, a Harvard researcher found that when people with anxiety who choose to believe and accept that their anxiety is their body and brain trying to help them, are better able to function day to day and they also have a healthier response to stress overall.

IDENTIFY AND NAME YOUR SUPPORTS

When we feel overwhelmed by anxiety it can be difficult to find our safety and support resources. This is where we can think about attending to our safety or support cues.

We can ask questions like...

• In this moment, are you safe?

• Are you breathing?

• Who supports me? Who cares for me?

being able to remind ourselves of the safety and supports we do have can be helpful in managing anxiety.

CHANGE THE BEHAVIOURS

We can also change our habitual behaviours when it comes to anxiety. Instead of trying to escape or avoid the cause of our anxiety, we can start to work on the behaviours that come with it. We can notice that when we try to move away from our anxiety and it’s not possible, we might use other coping strategies that are unhelpful. Whether we start to numb our bodies, use food or alcohol or other maladaptive coping strategies, we can start to address and change those habitual behaviours.

THERAPY FOR ANXIETY

One of the ways that anxiety often presents for people is cognitively. This can be seen catastrophizing thoughts, feelings of worry, or pathogenic beliefs . One way of working with generalised anxiety is to look at the interaction between people’s thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Working with a therapist can help you look at your unhelpful thoughts and beliefs that are supporting your anxiety. You can then get support to help you replace those thoughts and beliefs with more helpful and supportive ones that help you to manage and cope with your anxiety.

What also stands out when working with anxiety is that there are a number of embodied methods that anxiety counsellors can teach and help you utilise when it comes to managing anxiety. This is important because we also know anxiety is a physicalized and embodied experience, it is a fundamental, biological response to anticipated threat. Working with in an embodied way means getting in touch with the somatic (body) experience of anxiety.

Anxiety is often present when feelings we have had rejected or disconnected from (to survive) are no longer able to be held back and begin to come to ‘the surface’. When we start to experience those feelings come up, we usually move away from them (often going into our heads and out of our bodies). When this happens, we don’t feel the original emotion, instead we feel that sense of emergency that indicates something bad is going on. There is a sense that this experience is foreign and overwhelming and it feels like I’m not in control of it.

This is why people explain anxiety as something that happens to them…

“It just happens,”

“It feels like the anxiety just takes me over,”

“My anxiety comes from nowhere.”

Counselling for anxiety means working with anxiety in an embodied way so that we can acknowledge the presence of anxiety as an ‘emergency reaction to a feeling rising in the body from which we have disconnected via diminished breathing, muscular tension, and withdrawal of awareness, energy and sense of ownership’.~Jim Kepner

What we often find is that the feelings we are trying to avoid are likely to be sadness, grief, loneliness, anger, shame, or other strong emotion. By getting in contact with these feelings we can get in touch with the emotions that are underlying and need to be addressed.

Getting counselling for anxiety allows us to be able to feel a sense of control over our emotions and our lives. We are better able to understand the experience of anxiety as well as feeling better equipped to manage our anxiety, when we do experience it. During therapy for anxiety, a therapist serves as a supportive guide who can help you shift your thinking and perspectives as well as help you identify solutions to your challenges. A therapist can also help you to identifying any external situations that may be part of the cause of your anxiety, as well as assist you in creating any needed changes.

Most people experience a change in their anxiety when they have the chance to share what their concerns are. Having someone who can hold the space for you to share your story and who is a non judgemental and empathic listener is an important part of the work. Remember, that anxiety in and of itself is a normal and healthy emotion to feel. The aim is to feel this emotion in appropriate circumstances and to be able to manage it effectively.

HOW TO MANAGE THE FEELINGS OF ANXIETY AND INSECURITY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

It is not uncommon for people to experience some anxiety in their relationships. Anxiety in relationships can be caused be a range of factors. If you have experienced anxiety, stress or uncertainty in your earlier relationships you may find yourself feeling anxious in your current relationship. Being able to understand and managing your feelings of anxiety in relationship will help you to create the kind of healthy relationship you want.

Here are some way’s to get over relationship anxiety

1. Understand possible causes of anxiety in your relationship

All relationships face high and low moments. If you are experiencing a range of challenges and conflict in your relationship that you don’t feel your can resolve, it’s normal to have feelings or worry and to want to address those feelings. Whilst it is normal and healthy to have challenges from time to time in a healthy relationship, the ability to be able to resolve conflict and communicate lovingly and respectfully is key.

There may be some specific challenges you are working on with your partner. Whether it is communication, trust, money, jealousy or feeling insecure in your relationship. Its important to seek support to ensure that your relationship is not enduring ongoing stress and pressure that leads to feelings of anxiety. Often small issues can build up over time resulting in feelings of anxiety and resentment in a relationship. You may want to seek couples counselling or individual counselling to help you navigate through this time.

3. Don’t compare or look for perfection

Every relationship is unique and compassion truly is the thief of joy. What we need to remember when it comes to relationships is that they are not like Hollywood romance movies. You and your partner are two individuals who are working towards being yourselves in a relationship. You won’t always be on the same page, you will have different emotions and feelings at different times and you won’t always agree on things. This is all normal and health. Disagreements or arguments doesn’t mean your relationship isnt working or unhealthy.

4. Work on unfinished business

Past relationships that were unhealthy or challenging can make you distrustful of your current partner. It’s important to acknowledge that every relationship is different and that unfinished business from your past relationships doesn’t have to come into your new relationship. Addressing old hurts and letting go of past relationships through 1:1 counselling can be an important step in ensuring you your current relationship is not impacted.

5. Focus on gratitude

One thing we can do to create more happiness in our relationship is to focus on the positive things in our relationship and celebrate what we are grateful for. What is it that drew you to your current partner? What are the qualities you admire in them? Focusing on what we appreciate about our partner and allowing gratitude to be present can allow you to feel more connected and secure in your relationship as well as be more open to receive love from your partner.

6. Start with you

There is really only one person you can change in a relationship and that’s you. When you work on yourself by taking responsibility for your own happiness you can increase your self esteem, confidence and overall sense of happiness in yourself. This allows you to take control of your own happiness and takes the pressure off your partner and your relationship having to provide.

7. Create quality time for connection

Make an effort to communicate and connect with your partner. If you’re encountering challenges in your relationship, one strategy to take is to start over anew. Clear old out emotions and perceptions and start dating as if you have just met. From here you could rebuild and rediscover the trust you had.

Connecting with your partner can also mean exchanging needs. Sit down and have a discussion about what each partner needs from the relationship. Work from your lists to do the best you can to satisfy each other’s needs.

Physical affection is also important for re-engaging with your partner. Touching, holding, and otherwise showing physical affection could help you recreate your connection and strengthen your trust to reduce anxiety.

A final note, abuse is not a “relationship problem.”  If you are experiencing domestic violence don’t compromise. Remember, your dignity and safety comes before everything. If you cant get your partner to talk instead of being abusive its time to think about getting additional support.

I hope you have found this blog useful, if you are looking for an anxiety counsellor to help you with managing anxiety please each out and book a session here.

Natajsa is a Clinical Psychotherapist with a private practice is based in Ashgrove, Brisbane. She provides psychotherapy and counselling to individuals and couples and facilitates fortnightly group therapy focused on interpersonal process. Natajsa believe's that the relationship we have with ourselves and others is the essential ingredient to our emotional health, happiness and wellbeing.

As a Gestalt therapist she is interested in the topics of connection, belonging and the importance of human relationships. Her focus is on helping people develop self-awareness and understanding of their challenges, so they can create long-term, sustainable change that leads to more fulfilling and meaningful lives. Natajsa has been featured as an expert both locally and internationally and has contributed to a number of print and online media outlets including Women's Health and Fitness Magazine, Cosmopolitan Magazine, The Courier Mail & ABC Online.You can find her:

www.natajsawagner.com
www.facebook.com/NatajsaWagnerPsychotherapy